PCP Louise

yo, complete me up!

2010-10-04T07:02:00.000-07:00

Well here goes my friends…I hope I can do the last 90 days justice with this final post.

It has taken a while to get time to write this as things have been pretty busy since the wedding. It was only 8 days ago, but Jose and I already wishing we could build a time machine to go back to last weekend; it was just the most fun EVER. Before I forget to add this later on; I don’t know HOW I would have made it through the last 2 weeks if I hadn’t been in “peak condition”. It truly did give me the energy I needed to be host, babysitter, chef, bride, wife, tour guide, and calm person that I needed to be (ok, so not always as calm as I COULD have been, ahem). I would have muggled through with too much coffee and sugar and chocolate and felt like shit once it was all over and then hated myself for eating so much shit and so thinking “oh well, I ate shit yesterday, I might as well eat more shit today”. Ahhh, the old Louise.

Since the wedding we’ve had family to stay, then it was jose’s birthday on Friday and then I was struck down with WEDDING FLU (aka sheer exhaustion). I always used to get this at the end of term/completion of exams, so it was no surprise really. Rest and fluids for the last couple of days. Hate being ill, it is so dull, and it makes me feel that my PCP finished with a pathetic whimper rather than a BOOM bang.

I beat myself up for being sick for a couple of days. But then today, I felt stronger and with more energy, and my fever has gone. I picked up that jumprope first thing out of bed this morning and whipped out 15 minutes straight followed by 8 minute abs.

God it felt good. Really really good. Possibly better than all the prescribed PCP workouts over the 90 days. Why? Because I wanted to do it. It was a decision born of free choice. And it gave me theconfidence to think that “this is for life”.

Im beginning see the last 90 days and the knowledge I have now as my “tool kit”. My life tool kit. I can be anywhere, doing anything, feeling whatever, but I can and will always be able to implement some or all of the PCP rules. And I know that even if holidays or extended indulgences or illness crop up, and I am left feeling unfit again, I have the tool kit to get back to how I want to be. No manic yo-yo dieting or extreme exercise. No more injuries or ailments!

Im not sure what I will do next. Life has a funny way; i found a great dance school in Madrid. It is literally around the corner from me. I dont know how i found it, i was playing on google and clicked a random link and there she was. Weird, huh? Serendipity? I would not have gone 90 days ago, but now I have the courage and fitness levels to rock up and see what they do......who knows what might happen........ They do adult classes so I can join in on them, but they also do classes for kiddies so I might see if they want any help. ? Might take me some time to get the Spanish up to scratch and for them to get to know me, but gotta start somewhere, right?

At the beginning, Patrick said PCP was 80% diet and 20% exercise. For me, it was almost 100% mental.

The diet? Pffff. The food was yummy, it wasn’t a “diet” at all, I couldn’t eat all the food! You just had to be a bit creative and organised. I didn’t ever really feel like I was missing out. When I wanted to indulge, I did; mindfully and with awareness of the effects on my body and the reasons for doing it. Did I miss crisps? Yes. Chocolate? Every day. Ice cream? Of course. Are all those things still available now that I have finished the 90 days? Yuh-huh. Did I fall head first into a crate of cookie dough ice cream on day 91? No. I’ll have some when I can appreciate and enjoy it, not just cos I am bored or watching a film or TV. Treats now are a piece of wholemeal toast with honey (tastes so good with coffee!) or a square of dark chocolate. Heaven.

The exercises were never torture, hard work YES, but torture, no. The real torture was the first step of getting the workout clothes on and pressing the start button on the stopwatch. After that, it was fairly simple.

That first hurdle every day was the worst. After that, nothing can stop you, and you are set up for the day. Do it every day, it becomes a habit. Do it for a few months, it becomes your way of life.

Im taking the notion of PPCPD (Perfect PCP days) with me – it is so simple and you can totally translate that into normal life e.g. set up a target per week or month for PPCPDs. Or, as Grace suggested “sugar” on days beginning with the letter “s”. Or wine on date nights with the hubby/wife/girl or boyfriend.

Id like to aim for jumprope and 8MA every day, with some other exercise and/or muscle work 4 times a week. THERE, IVE SAID IT, NOW I HAVE TO DO IT.

I’m not a masochist; I love food. But as wise ol’ Jenny pointed out in one of her posts and Patrick wrote about in his blog about being lazy – I want life to be easy and enjoyable. No amount of chocolate or wine will make you feel better if you are lethargic or grumpy or dont like what you see when you look in the mirror in the morning. Life is too short to deny yourself some luxuries, but there is a time and a place. And daily/nightly is not it.

So with the 100% mental training goes the ripple effect…..the effect on family and friends and loved ones. What’s that saying? “Help yourself to help others”? Yeah, that one. So true. My “husband” (I frickin LOVE that word) now swimming every morning and eating my PCP meals!

Instead of birthday cake I made him birthday brunch: poached egg, little bit of smoked salmon as the indulgence, avocado, tomato, spring onion, bit of mustard, bit of truffle oil, bit of balsamic magic, slice of toasted wholemeal bread. He said it was the best thing he has ever eaten for breakfast. (we are married now, so he didnt even have to say that just to keep me happy!)

My mum switching to wholemeal bread and low fat yogurts. My sister buying more fresh veggies and getting my niece to eat a whole enormous apple herself! My sister in law for buying food scales and realising that although they were eating healthy food, they were just eating FAR TOO much of it! Like double! My brother now jokes that when his wife makes him a cup of tea she measures out the ingredients ha ha ha.

And so the love spreads…….From each PCP team member to each other, and outwards to family and friends…..and so on.....

To Patrick and Chen….. Thank you for breaking it down, making it simple and removing the fear and the unknown. Im no longer afraid of dairy! Of eggs! Of muscle! (yeah, ladies, muscles! Little portable 24/7 fat burning machines. Muscle does not equal bodybuilder grossness).

To the 8 minute abs guy. I heart our little 8 minutes together.

To TEAM BADASS. Sigh. There were some dark days when I was ready to steal sweets from children and burn my jumpropes and bands….but you guys always helped me. ALWAYS. I feel like everyone one of us did this programme with other things going on in the background that could have made us quit or even put us off even starting….but we did it. Holidays, children, yogi training (insane!), firefighting training (batshit insane!), tough and emotionally tiring jobs and all the other sh*t that makes up life. WWTBD. (what would team badass do!!!?) You’re all rock

stars.

So here come the photos. (don’t have all wedding photos yet but just a few to hopefully show the body changes over 90 days!.) Adios, arrivederci,

au revoir, sayonara, shalom, CHEERS BITCHEZ x

above, starting PCP, thinking i was half fit and being gutted when i looked at the photos.

below , end of PCP. feeling LIGHT and ENERGISED

a little game my friends and i like to play at weddings called "bride through the legs".

yes, a bride with a bicep. its the new look for 2010.

you may kiss the bride (with triceps)

louise is now a mrs!

2010-09-29T09:24:00.001-07:00

Firstly i just wanted to say sorry to rest of Team Badass for being persona non, erm, existenso over the last few days. It has truly been a whirlwind. Today is the first day I have had a bit of time to myself, and I I still have mother, sister, bro-in-law and 18 month old niece staying! Needless to say i missed you guys all terribly! and felt some guilt at points.

so, hands up, confession time, diet went out of the window from Friday onwards. Managed to do workouts until then, but nothing over the weekend or since I have got back, apart from some swimming and stretching. so am i really complete on PCP? no, probably not. am i going to finish the programme anyway, but just not within the 90 days? HELL YES! super sets, here i come! (once i have got rid of all house guests and jose's birthday out of the way).

i just couldnt find the time, i was being pulled 20 different ways and at one point nearly told every single guest to leave me alone!!!! "louise, im hungry" "my flight was delayed" "can you show me where bla bla bla is" "have you booked lunch for everyone" "can you order more" "our hotel is not great" "who is that, why did you do that, whats that for" argggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. A LOT OF PRESSURE.

but then, wow, the day. amazing. it really started on friday afternoon, when jose's brother had organised a trip for everyone to a vineyard for tour, tasting and lunch. it was a really special day. closest friends and family, relaxed, informal, interesting, AMAZING wine. (see pics below).

friday night was getting everyone together to meet at a bar run by one of jose's f

riends for tapas can "unofficial" cake. it turned into quite a large night for a lot of the guests, but i left early (ish!) to go home and get some beauty sleep. i left at 2.30am which is kinda early by spanish standards and copped a lot of abuse for being lame on no fun!!!!

saturday was the big day, and it truly was the best night of our lives. the weather was perfect, sun was shining, drinks flowing, everyone smiling and LOT OF DANCING. food was unbelievable as well. scallops, then monkfish, then steak. then a passion fruit yogurt thing and then chocolate souffle. it was incredible. i wont post a pic just yet, as i might save that for my final day 90 post, but below is the location, with views overlooking the lake/river. will post more soon (think flickr might be easier)

sunday was impromptu lunch, which turned out great. we basically took over a little restaurant with family and just had a really relaxing lunch, with people dropping in and chilling out. sigh.

i wish we could do it all again. shattered, but happy.

realise this is a totally non-PCP post, but thought you might want to hear about the wedding. (ok, maybe its more a girl thing!?!?!) is this the first PCP wedding ever?

Day not yet 90

2010-09-27T15:52:00.000-07:00

I am a Mrs.
Absolutley over the moon and happy. Also shattered, still got family staying with us and had to cool tonight for 8 people. Sooooooo should have gone on honeymoon straight away.
Anyway, hope y'all still remember me, team badass, I'm still here! Will post in the morning when I've had some sleep. Zzzzzzzz xxxx

Zzzzzzzzz

2010-09-23T16:21:00.000-07:00

Short post as I am absolutely shattered. Sorry for being a bit out of the loop last couple of days, but has been a bit manic here. Wedding on Saturday. Yikes.
Feeling a little overwhelmed and trying desparately to find my 'flow'. Need proper rest. Will write again tomorrow but just wanted to say HELLO , LOVE YOU ALL, and I'm still here.
And yes, gatecrash the wedding! Xx

i am a jinx? (and notes on indulgence)

2010-09-20T18:13:00.001-07:00

1. PCP'ers; dont get cocky. speedy cook, my arse. i cut my finger really badly whilst slicing avocado on sunday. i was blatantly going too fast. now back to plodding along, and terrified of the knife! the cut is quite deep, when i looked at first, i thought i saw bone, but it's healing now. bit swollen. good wedding look! lesson learned: SAFETY FIRST KIDS!

2. broke ANOTHER resistance band! i had gone back to one of the looser bands after the first one broke, and was using this temporarily, and making it tighter by basically tying it and myself in knots. anyways, got new bands today. bicep ACHE. it was ace. HULK SMASH.

3. got a crap load of veggies in fridge that i need to use up before we leave on thursday. hoping my family dont mind being fed courgette and carrot 24/7. hmmmmm.

4. going to see my old physio tomorrow (i hope! if i have time!). will be interesting to see what he makes of my old injuries given the new muscles!

4. indulgence: i was torn between skipping this indulgence cos of all the crap i ate in scotland when back seeing friends. but i understand the mental process behind it, and wanted to test myself. so i went to our local food market and bought freshest bestest yummiest ingredients to make homemade pizza (healthy version with wholemeal tortilla as the base!). it was delish. fresh rocket, ripe creamy mozzarella (only a few slices for me) and i made some tomato sauce, topped with some truffle oil and a balsamic glaze, few slices of avocado. AMAZEBALLS. the food hit "the spot", without making me feel ill or sick. the process of cooking with a bit more freedom was refreshing. we had a couple of glasses of wine (this was ACTUAL HOMEWORK as we had to taste the wine for the wedding meal, so i couldnt say no!) with it, and afterwards, pudding was fresh mango, raspberries, fresh mint, squeeze of lime juice and low fat rosewater frozen yogurt. clearing up as i went along, so the tidying up afterwards wasnt a big deal. and it was nice to be at home for a change.
restaurants: it will have to be REALLY REALLY AMAZING to get me to hand over my money now. i never, ever, ever in a million years thought i would prefer eating in to eating out. maybe its my controlling habits creeping in haha. but you just never know what crap chefs put in there! i used to be a waitress and i remember working at a place where the customers consistently sent back the food because it was over-salted. the chef had a ferocious temper (and a serious cocaine habit, hence why his taste buds were whacked and so he chucked in loads of extra salt when tasting his food!). omg, just realising the irony. i also lived in australia for a year and worked in an italian deli in sydney. the owner was so stingy that he didn't add salt to ANYTHING, not for taste or health purposes, but because he figured people could add their own salt at home, out of their own pocket. tight git. little did i know he was doing his customers such a favour for their health.........anyways......
btw: i love how if you put the word "salad" in a dish people assume it is healthy. "bean salad" sounds great, but the dressing we used to put on it was pretty much just sugar and oil. wowzers.

soooo tired. late here, been up with jose translating the wedding vow thingies into english for people to follow. zzzzzzzz. mum, sister, brother-in-law and best niece in the world arrive tomorrow. cant wait. all admin done now i think. can relax. i hope. fvck, i just said it, now i have probably jinxed it.

day 80: i knee'd help

2010-09-18T14:52:00.000-07:00

hello all. late on saturay night. is there anything sadder than working out on a saturday night and then blogging about it? im not sure there is.

jumped and 8 minute abs this morning, but didnt get home till late so workout got pushed back boooooo hisssssss. knees feeling verrrrrrry tight these last couple of days. just 10 more days please knees, then you can pack in! might swim tomorrow instead of jumping to give them a break, i just find it terribly boring and time consuming. why cant they make underwater ipods? at least then i could listen to some podcasts or summink.

too tired to write anything earth shattering, although i did have a few eureka moments today, so will try write them up over next couple of days.

liking the intense workouts but generally not loving anything where muscle failure and gravity are combined. tricep deps, pull ups, push ups, plank etc. love the feeling on my muscles, hate the fear that if my muscles fail i will smack the floor/chair and knock myself out! it was a distinct possibility today during tricep dips.

oh yeah, and bicycle. if you could see me doing this, you would think i was insane. it must stem from all those years of ballet torture, i mean training. so 60 seconds is tough, but if i incorporate "dance moves" into it, i can cope. cue Louise flapping her arms around, shuffling her shoulders and cycling in time to the music, sometimes with turnout and pointed feet. LOSER. makes the 60 seconds pass quicker though, and my brain seems able to accept pain if it is in order to dance.

new pics up. i have given up trying to flex my abs. gutted, cos they actually feel totally solid! you just cant see it. honest guv'nor!

i love sundays. i plan to not leave the house all day, only maybe to get sunday edition newspapers. family arrives on tuesday. 2 more days of sanity left. and breathe.....

p.s saved my carb allowance from dinner - off to watch a dvd with homemade popcorn with garlic and rosemary. will let you know if its any good!

what's that? badass? me?

2010-09-17T13:14:00.000-07:00

hell yeah, i BROKE my resistance band. mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

(ok , so they were quite cheap from supermarket, but still! i felt hardcore.)

would just like to add : elevated push ups SUCK. dont me wrong, they prob burn a lot of energy and muscle, but i felt half my effort was spent purely trying to get up, down and into position and not tipping over or face planting it.

bought workout gloves. message to pull ups : "YOU SHALL BE MINE. i am coming to get you. "

i am also improving as super speedy zen cook. today, i made (from scratch) fresh salmon with garlic, pepper, lemon juice, cous cous and salad of rocket, pepper, avacado, tomato and spring onion, AND ate it and cleaned up within 30 minutes. oh, and with leftovers for fridge for tomorrow. booooooya.

its ok, im not going to talk about "he who should not be named"

2010-09-16T04:10:00.000-07:00

this post is safe, sane and censored.

slowly getting over my obsession. i was becoming so fixated on day 90, thinking that all my achievements/work/results had to be completed by then. it probably stems from my competitive nature, controlling habits and well you know, general vanity?! also, the fact that the big W is next week, it is probably adding to the pressure slightly? i.e the overwhelming feeling that as of next week/day 90, my life is over. kidding! i had forgotten that life DOES and WILL go on after PCP. and it will be a better life! an energetic, clean, more focused life.

i find it strange that PCP has made me able to look more objectively at myself and life like this. who knew exercise and clean food could affect the brain so much. i feel like some sneaky zen stuff has been thrown in with the diet and workouts :) . and i LIKE IT.

random observations:

1) yesterday i changed diet slightly. i had wholemeal pasta for lunch. and for protein in the evening i had half of a beeoooootiful argentinian steak. it was delish. but one of those two things, which i havent really been eating while on PCP, bloated me up like a balloon. rock solid. very weird. dodging them both from now on.

2) i just want to say a big massive thank you to the PCP gods for having allowed me milk in the morning throughout PCP. i guess not everyone has this as part of their diet, but as a coffee addict who loves a milky coffee in the morning, i would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. the one bit of previous life i got to keep....... (i then hit the espressos later in the day, BOOM)

3) ankle still playing up. i swam yesterday instead of jumping (which is so dull and takes forever FYI). not sure what to do for jumping today. it doesnt hurt specifically when i jump, but any side movements or rotations on my ankle are giving me issues, so maybe non-impact is better for now? hmmmmm.

4) bit upset that this has runied my plans for the week of tearing it up on PCP, but instead going to focus on rest and stretching. 10 hour sleep last night, 'ave that!

5) not had my indulgence yet. basically, cos i feel like i "indulged" quite enough when i was back in the UK. hmmmm, thinking of halving it to 500 cals so i can still enjoy something and dazzle you all with my report on it ho ho ho. would be a nice weekend to do it, last weekend with the boyf living in sin as an unmarried couple. tee hee.

6) i need new music! my tunes are boring me! stuck in workout musical rut.

thats all i got. pishing down outside, sooooooo lovely to have rain in Madrid. the air is fresh. getting ready for a new season......

3 posts in 24 hours.....

2010-09-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

....i must be bored? (warning: this post contains profanities)

OR GOING TOTALLY BAT-SHIT INSANE.

today was the first time i ever, ever, ever cried during workout. why? i wasnt in pain. exercises were going well. air con was working (jokes).

no, i cried because i sat down to do my abs and looked in the mirror and saw nigel staring back at me.

i think this is possibly the DEFINITION of obsession. i am totally obsessed. its the only part of my body i look at. i guage all PCP progress by the round of my stomach. as a woman, this area has a mind of its own. or is that just bullshit that people tell you to make you feel better?!?!?

i hate myself for even thinking about it. i feel like a spoilt brat who can't get her own way. whinge whinge whinge whinge oh my stomach isnt washboard flat. this is FCVKED UP. shoot me now.

then again i feel like i have worked pretty hard and deserve a bit of a reward/boost.

so i was a nightmare today. i was frustrated that my ankle was sore this morning so i couldnt jump. later, i got a call at 5pm to say i had a spanish lesson that i didnt know about and my teacher was waiting for me. i had just put on my workout clothes.......gutted. i had to change back and rush out, so everything got pushed back by about 3 hours and i found myself working out at 10pm and i just totally lost the plot as i sat down to do abs.

control freak?!?! who, me?!?!?!

so i would just like to say a big huge "F$&k YOU PCP". i love you. i hate you. i love you. you suck. i suck.

you can send the men in the white coats to come get me now, my bag is packed. (im only taking my jumprope and resistance bands to the lunatic asylum with me, hope thats ok.)

Yours, Crazy Lady with the possible imaginary friend called Nigel, Madrid.

p.s i will never, ever, ever mention Nigel again. Ever. Sorry.

p.p.s i have figured out how to get around the "travelling whilst maintaining PCP diet" issue. Just make like Lady Gaga and rock up in a meat dress. Protein, on call, 24/7. She's a bloody genius. Now im just off to create some vegetable shoes, an edible carb handbag and some fruit earrings. (You can put your scales inside the carb handbag.)

uh oh

2010-09-14T02:57:00.000-07:00

well i must have bloomin' jinxed it with my over-exuberant claims yesterday. woke up in serious pain today; ankle and neck. no reason why, didnt feel like i hurt anything yesterday during workout.

I prob need more sleep, last couple of nights have been short on zzzzzzz's. might embrace my new spanish culture today and indulge in a siesta and workout afterwards. if ankle is still dodge, will swim instead of jumprope.

fingers crossed BADASS week can still go ahead.

day 74: casa dulce casa

2010-09-13T16:29:00.000-07:00

yay back in Madrid. delighted. it's sunny and warm and i really, really missed it. home sweet home.

I am going to refer to this past week of my PCP as "maintenance week". Given all the travelling and socialising i found myself facing, i didnt see the usual pace of progress, especially given that the workouts have been ramped up in intensity. i have yet to weigh myself, a little scared to do so. certain muscles feel stronger, certain bits more wobbly. does anyone else get this? its like a little ramp up of progress for a few days, everything firms up, and then it seems as if something underneath the skin changes. stuff goes wobbly. then a few days later, muscles appear....and so it goes on......

or am i imagining all of this?!?!??!

anyway, maintenance week, yes yes. eating was sporadic but generally good. if i couldnt get all my snacks and meals in, i would tend to drop the carbs and focus on the protein and veg.
workouts have been good, i am enjoying them. i missed one day overall, but still managed to jump that day in the morning, just couldn't workout later on.
i feel like i have been naughty, not that i have deliberately sinnned, i did TRY, but always sure i could have tried harder. simply meaning, being more organised and forward planning. but i was juggling a lot, so hey ho. i did what i could.

i cannot believe the difference in jump rope! jose came in to ask me something while i was jumping this evening and i held a conversation with him without stopping jumping! this would have been unimaginable for the first 40 days, maybe even 60 days. go fitness levels!

something else that jose and i have both noticed but that became really apparent today. last night was a reasonably late night as i was up chatting with my brother and then packing. up at dawn to catch early flight back to madrid, so i got about 5 hours sleep in all. followed by a wait in airport and 2.5 hour flight. previously, i would have arrived home and collapsed, probably have achieved very little for the day and been in a very grumpy mood. oh yeah, and eaten sh*te food because cooking would have seemed like too much effort.

fast forward to day 74 PCP.....i got home, dumped my bags and went straight to do errands (dry cleaners etc) and to buy FRESH FRUIT AND VEG. i then came home. did some work at home on the computer, did workout, made dinner, emailed friends and sent messages to family.

who is this person!?!?!??!?! how can i have more energy from expending more from working out?!?!?! it's insane. i LOVE it. long may it continue........

so folks.......the news is........maintenance week is followed by BADASS WEEK. extreme PCP. every day a PPCPD with extra sparkles and badassness.

i will:
jump every morning
workout and repeat jumping in the evening or afternoon
absolute adherence to every gram and snack
extra stretching
meditation
fresh air
relaxation
sleep

there. ive said it.....NOW I HAVE TO DO IT.

photos up : new jeans yay! not really v exciting pics apart from the new jeans. tried very hard to pull my best "Royce" but just ended up looking like i was in pain. not much visible change, as explained above. v tired, off to bed, will write more mañana.

Day 72 : new jeans!

2010-09-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

Oh you Patrick with your psychic powers and previous experience with PCP so you know what we are all going through.......
I was LITERALLY staring in the mirror tonight, poking at the little ridge of fat on my stomach that will not go and thinking "what else can I do?!?! I want rid! Maybe I should blog about it tonight."
And then BANG, an hour later, our daily email comes from Patrick about acceptance.
Hmmmmmm.
Can't help thinking it would have gone if I had been stricter with grams and diet. there is no way I have eaten enough. Ahhhh the irony. Majority of people starve themselves to lose weight, yet in my case I think I maybe have Nigel still hanging around because I haven't eaten enough and my body still thinks famine is coming?!?!

OR.......

Maybe it's just all in my head. Either way, I'm no where near acceptance. If Nigel doesn't disappear during PCP surely I will never be rid of him! Or.........if I just keep on truckin'.....

Aware that it's a very slippery slope to obsessiveness. I think 99% of people dont see their real reflection in the mirror, for better or for worse. Pre-PCP I thought I saw a fairly fit person staring back. Now that I am fitter, I see the wobbly bits staring back. Bonkers.
Either way, the focus on that has prob blinded me to any progress elsewhere. I'll try and take some new pics tomorrow.

Thoughts for the day:
1) working out with serious period cramps deserves extra kudos, and possibly chocolate.
2) men lose weight: sex bits stay the same. Women lose weight: boobs disappear. Where is the frickin' justice in that!?!?!

Oh yes, and bought new jeans. Real tight. Me likey.

day "i have totally lost count but it doesnt really matter"

2010-09-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

why doesnt it matter? because for the first time i really feel like this is my new way of life. PCP is no longer 90 days of masochistic torture (jokes!), my body now doesnt FEEL HAPPY if i dont jump or do workouts. it´s awesome. i had been freaking out around the day 50 mark that after PCP finished i would revert back to my previous norm of half-arsed exercising and not considering what food i put in my body for nutrition. and although this insanely busy time has meant that i feel like i am missing out on some aspects of PCP, ie. total focus on the program, it has also helped me feel more confident that i can cope afterwards.

needless to say, i feel like PCP has been/is the "springboard" i wanted it to be when I first signed up. i needed a jump-start back to fitness so that i can now go on and do all the other things that i want to do........

im not quite sure what those things are exactly, but it doesnt matter for now. i dont want to work behind a desk anymore. one of the happiest times in my life was when i was about 16, and training really hard. i used to be ballet dancer, and those were extreme times. i started ballet when i was 3 years old (not really "ballet" at that point, just 3 year olds running around a room with some music playing, wearing cute pink) outfits and my parents just figured it was a good hobby once a week....... but then i didnt stop.

turned out i wasnt too bad at it, and ended up training with the scottish ballet company and doing many many dozens of exams and performances.

i was training 5 times a week, and on a saturday from 9am till 5pm, with school and everything else thrown on top.

decision time came; academic exams or ballet. i hit 16/17 and my body went a bit loopy. knees started aching, back gave way during class and i began my weekly trips to the physio that have never really every stopped (until now dudes!)

my body was essentially not strong enough to be doing the level of training i was doing. i thinki i had a bit of a growth spurt and its like my muscles couldnt keep up with my bones! classes were so competitive, if you couldnt get your leg as high as others in the class, you just forced it there. same with knees/turnout and your back/bending.

frightening stuff really. anyway, common sense kicked in and i knew academic studies was the wiser choice. job security bla bla bla. and my body just couldt cope anymore.

i still have issues now with old injuries. knees, back especially. everyone kept telling me to try more yoga, pilates, stretching, and while i know they all help, i knew it wouldnt fix the problem. its like trying to put out a fire with a thimble of water. i didnt just need flexibility , i needed strength and muscle as well.

then, around april this year, i started getting this really weird pain in my foot. a VERY WISE MAN i met last year, noticed a problem with my feet almost immeadiately after meeting me, just by looking at them. i´ll be honest, i kinda ignored his warnings (sorry patrick). i had just accepted that my feet were a bit mangled from hours and hours of pointe work in ballet, but because i had stopped dancing so long ago, i figured it was ok. sure, they looked a bit weird and made funny noises, but who cares, there was no pain.......

wrong. arthiritis. yes, at the grand old age of 29, i had an old person ailment.

it really knocked me for six......and this is how I arrived at PCP. email to patrick, "dude, you were right about my foot", a couple more emails back and forth, and some reading of current PCPers blogs and i was on board. the foot thing also came at a time when we got some really bad news about my mum and her health. Total wake up call.

foot hasnt hurt since i started. clearly having stronger biceps hasnt improved my foot, but i think its just the overall awareness, and the daily routine of getting the blood pumping around the body. also, more stretching (still need to improve on this DRASTICALLY, but i am getting there).

so.....where to go next? i miss ballet. I DONT miss the competitive aspect. but i do miss the childrens classes i used to assist my teacher with; 4 - 8 year olds, using their imaginations and expressing themselves and having fun. so, its a thought for now. maybe go back to some light training? maybe start my own classes for kiddies? not sure, all just random thoughts at the moment as i figure out what to do next with my life now that i am a grown up.

yeah right.

just wanted to leave you with this: my abosolute idol. this would have been my PCP inspiration person (she is, really) but i still find it a bit upsetting to watch her sometimes (i know, im such a loser) so i picked someone else for the day-to-day focus. plus, i tried to give up the stalking habit a few years ago. (im coming across as a bit crazy right now, i promise im not).

ladies and gentlemen........... i give you, ms sylvie guillem

(couldnt work out how to do the fancy youtube embedded mumble, but click through and prepare to be amazed for 45 seconds....)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-8T_GHxBoM&feature=related

day 69 : meek "hello"

2010-09-06T15:42:00.001-07:00

blogging from the homeland, scotland. the land of contradictions. the country that on one hand brings you deep fried pizza :

and on the other, the most beautiful fresh salmon you will ever taste in your life:

it feels like AN AGE since i last wrote and that a lot has happened.

im going to grade myself a la school reports with regards to PCP.

food wise, i'd score myself a 6 out of 10. eating out means a "10" would be almost impossible but i have avoided all the bad stuff, always having fish, veg, salads etc. had some choc and a few bites of pudding at the girly dinner. lots of protein, few carbs, mucho veg. average performance. turned down invites out so that i could cook at home last couple of nights.
booze wise, id give myself a 7 out of 10. hardly having much at all, and for that i should be pleased and proud, but then i think to myself, "well, if you only had one glass of wine with lunch, why did you even bother at all?! you should just have had none you stoooopid wumin'"
workouts, 8.5 out of 10. i missed one day, but will catch up on it later in the week (maybe swap with rest day) so im ok with that. weirdly, i dont feel like the workouts challenge me here. obviously the heat in madrid is pretty extreme during summer months, but here,i have been working out in the park with a nice brisk cold breeze in the air, and granted, i feel tired and my muscles are sore afterwards, but because im not burning up and dripping in sweat, i feel like i cheated or didnt work hard enough!

i cant believe how quicky "PCP" time is flying past. i feel really, really REALLY gutted that i am missing this really cool part of the PCP. is this maybe the best bit? i think perhaps so.....

i could be at home absolutely BLASTING it out of the water and really going for it for these last 28 days, but sadly, restricted slightly. i am going to london for a few days after scotland and fairly confident that will be easier. no demands on my time and much better food around. but i wanna go home!!!! and why? so i can kick the ass out of PCP.

it has been hard here; my mum and i really not getting on. i have lost count over the last few days of how many times i have wanted to binge eat to deal with all the emotions it has brought up. when i am in madrid, its easier to ignore/compartmentalise. finding it really tough being back and living back with her for a few days. (hard for any 29 year old person going back to stay with parents i guess if you are used to living away!)

not sure i want to get into the deep and heavy stuff right now. also very boring. good news is, i havent crumbled and binged. YET.

one thing i will mention though: people's reaction to the "new louise". get a group of 9 girls/women together and watch the commments fly! most were nice comments. i felt distinctly uncomfortable when i took my coat off to sit down to dinner and literally everyone kinda went "oh my god". i hope that doesnt sound arrogant, i dont mean it to. we PCPers are all getting the same reactions as the 90 days go past, but i guess it's maybe because i havent seen some of these friends for so long, it was just all at once and a bit too overwhelming. 9 Vs 1. it was really kinda awkward. i wanted the ground to swallow me up and tried to change the subject. later in the evening, when more alcohol had been consumed, the comments got a little more "catty". ho hum. one person said i had taken it "too far". my dad told me i looked like a greyhound (a really skinny breed of dog). he wasnt being cruel , i was just his way of making a joke about it .

interestingly, no-one really asked what i had done to get fit. one person sorta ventured down the path, but when i replied "nutrition and exercise", their eyes glazed over.

i was still overall, a little taken aback. i dont feel like i look much different. i mean, i know i definitely feel better. and with clothes off/workout clothes on you can see some muscles etc, when i tense etc. but i really didnt think i would be that obvious. i was wearing a really loose fitting outfit on saturday, but i guess my arms were on show, and thats what people noticed.

anyways, i think i now look how i thought i looked. does that make sense? i used to be really quite fit and trim, but as soon as i went to study at uni and then on to a desk based job, it all disappeared down the toilet. but in my head, i always thought i was still that "fit" person.
i wasnt. im really seeing that now. and i guess people notice more than you think. they probably even notice more than you do yourself.

i have avoided getting preachy with people/friends/family over diet and exercise, but it's really distressing to witness some of what ive seen here. scotland is known as the "sick man of europe" and in some parts of glasgow, average life expectancy for men is 54 years. thats less than Iraq - http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2006/jan/21/health.politics

i have always been aware of this side of scottish life, and having lived in london since graduation, whenever i came back home to visit, i thought it was kinda amusing seeing all the take out places and fast food joints etc.

but coming back with my PCP goggles on, it really does break my heart.

it's not just poorer families and people; its everyone. my mum eats out every day, totally unhealthy. my dad has diabetes now.

i am taking my mum to the supermarket tomorrow to buy her new knives to chop veggies with, and some weighing scales and a healthy cookbook. i can only try...... (i am also taking her to the opticians. i have only been asking her to go for like, 10 years. the parent Vs child role reversal. boring).

sorry guys, really downer post. i feel like i am being dragged down whilst here.

(apart from my niece, who is a total ROCK STAR and i think i might steal her. she is 20 months old, and she is the absolute bee's knees. will post some pics soon. )

laters. sleep beckons. xx

p.s i miss you guys! (this sounds insane, but i feel so far away!)

Spare a thought......

2010-09-02T05:25:00.000-07:00

.......for the poor people around me on this flight when I whip open my Tupperware box of boiled egg delights........
Mwa hahahaha.
Worst airline passenger ever. They have a liquid limit, but no rules on stinky stinky food.

I shall soon arrive in the land of haggis and whiskey. Neither of which I like, so I should be ok.

Och aye the noo, see youz later ma wee fruit scones .

day 63 - why i heart PCP

2010-09-01T06:15:00.000-07:00

1. sleep is training. as someone who can easily sleep 12 hours a night, this is heaven for me. now, i can argue to my family, im not lazy, "IM IN TRAINING, YEAH".

2. shopping is training. ok ok, not EXACTLY. but following on from Patrick's email yesterday, I feel obligated to buy new clothes (let us not speak of the bedsheet sized wedding dress that is hanging in my wardrobe for now).

disappointingly, shoes and handbags probably dont count as PCP shopping since they fit regardless of your body fat %. hmph.

3. i have a new use for all the lovely sea salt that i no longer use/eat. BODY SCRUB. mix it with a bit of olive oil or beauty oil and you are good to go.

v tired today from admin and intense spanish lesson. flying to Glasvegas tomorrow afternoon. off to have evening snack and train. i mean, sleep. :) new pics up, proof of the plateau continuuuuuuuuuuuuuing. Nigel is STILL THERE.

day 62. are we nearly there yet?!?!

2010-08-31T05:36:00.001-07:00

hello people. this is a very mixed up Louise writing. thank you haley for ass-whooping. truth is i didnt blog over the weekend as a) didnt have much internet service and b) didnt know what to say.

weekend was great, lovely temparature and very chilled out. photos below of the house (now you know why we had no internet service!!). this is where jose's great aunt's lived for most of their lives (now 94) and it hasnt changed one bit. its amazing. its like stepping into a museum.

anyway bla bla bla. re PCP. sigh. where do i begin. my parents have a saying that they always use in reference to me: "there are two ways to do things- the easy way and the louise way." (they actually have a second saying which is "always bloody late but anyways......) only 28 days left, but i feel that those 28 days are possibly going to be the hardest for me. wedding is on sept 25th. this weekend i am going home to scotland (oooh how i have missed my homeland) to see my mum, sister and gran for you know, family stuff. and some old school girlfriends wanna see me before the wedding. understandably really. they are all so excited, planning drinks and fun stuff to do. and i am supposed to turn round and be like " yo ladies, sorry, cant have a drink. or dinner in fact. im just gonna have my milk and egg white yeah." im not really a "hen night" girly kinda girl, but it would be nice to relax and have a couple of glasses of nice wine with my bitchezzzzzz ya know'. they dont know im doing PCP, living so far away i didnt feel the need to tell them, so it makes it more complicated to explain, plus everyone´s reaction will be "but you've worked so hard, you deserve it" or "its only for one night and we never, ever get to see you" etc etc. i feel like not getting involved would be a snub to them and the effort they are making.

it has gotten to the point where i am avoiding contact with people and making arrangement because i know it will be centred around meeting up in bars/restaurants.

ooooof. its stressing me out so much. i want to have fun. but i also want to stick to PCP. of course, i can have fun without breaking PCP, but under these circumstances, its hard to be the party pooper when the party IS FOR YOU.

so if i go along and stick to PCP i will be miserable. and if i go and eat/drink whatever i want, i will also be miserable, for breaking PCP. damned if i do and damned if i dont.

is the key to find the middle ground??! maybe i can. but its just the sheer thought of it is totally stressing me outtttttttttttttttttttttttt. so i dont feel like much of a rock start today. travelling sucks. actually, i have nailed the travelling thing. travelling + party = sucks. i know i know, i bring it on myself. i could have done PCP at another point in my life, maybe next year. im not doing this to be a buff bride or anything like that. if anything, im worried i wont really look like myself! (going to write another time about why i chose to do PCP, but that is not for today.)

taking each day as it comes, im doing fine. today is another PPCPD. still not seeing any real change in body in last ten days or so. harumph. im a bit bored of the food. i dont want something unhealthy per say, i just want variety. well, ok, i want a stir fry. or popcorn. or some lentil dahl. none of it would be particularly bad, but its just a road im scared to start walking down in case it spirals out of control.

got jose to hide all the pringles. i have major craving for hot chocolate, which is bizarre cos its like a grillion degrees outside. think maybe period is due.

moan moan moan. hence my delay in writing this....... what a depressing blog. my mood is AWFUL at the moment. as soon as i am out of the PCP comfort zone, e.g. its getting late and i havent done my workout, or there is no compliant food available...i turn into a total WITCH.

ok enough whinging. amusing tale: trying out my spanish over the weekend, i asked my future mother-in-law if she had a comb i could borrow. at least, i thought that was what i asked her. turns out i asked her if she had a penis.

not cool.

sorry boss (haley), this isnt the cheerleading post this group needs. tomorrow i will be on top form!! right!?!?! yeah woooooooooo goooo team badass (weakly mutters under a massive sigh).

you are all doing so brilliantly. i am basically just hugely jealous!

p.s forgot to say "HUGE congratumilations and celebrizzles to all team sexaaaaaay (sorry, not sure how many "A's" are in the official title.

you guys have inspired and amazed me with your blogs, pictures and wonderful support and advice. go now and be free :) (but keep in touch).

U gotta be kidding me!

2010-08-27T07:33:00.000-07:00

Had to take the sunglasses back to the shop and change for a smaller style, they were falling off my face!

Off tonight to jose's hometown in northern Spain. I love this town; it's where we are getting married. Life is slowwwwwwww. Even by Spanish standards.
We will stay one night at his great aunt's old country house. It's so relaxing there, I will spend a while this afternoon choosing books to take to lie under the apple tree with. Heaven.

Not much else folks. Shoulders and thighs aching today. Still not sure if I'm doing biceps right, don't seem to get to failure, even at max reps.

Food, all good. We can buy eggs from the next door neighbour at the country house, yay!

day 57: a.k.a. PCP monday

2010-08-26T15:06:00.000-07:00

So here's the thing: if you do your "day 6" workout (day 7 being PCP weekend day i.e. jumprope only) first thing in the morning, and then don't do the next week's day 1 workout until the evening, it feels like an ETERNITY since you last worked out. the body is probably more rested, but it takes longer to get going, and for some reason, guilt creeps in?!?! whats that all about? i felt like i had skipped a workout, even though i hadn't! pffffff. need to sort out my guilt issues.

how is this for bonkers: i don't really like telling people I'm doing PCP, because i don't want them to feel bad about themselves. isnt that insane?!?! i can see the madness but cant change it. i have been like this pretty much all my life. maybe its middle child syndrome, maybe its having divorced parents, maybe its the church of scotland upbringing sprinkled with a little bit of catholicism. whatever it is, it is ridiculous.

im a born worrier. i often think up things to worry about just as im trying to fall asleep. apparently it's a control issue. anyway, these thoughts just pop in and out of my head throughout the day, so thought id share with you all, you lucky lucky people.

new pics up. i had my own personal photographer this week, how extravagant! it beats me trying to balance my camera on the shelf, set the timer and then not look constipated/miserable when the shot is taken. I HATE having my pic taken, but jose had me in stitches while he was taking them; he used to train bodybuilders and was explaining to me what patrick was talking about with the ab flex thing?!?!? im still lost, couldnt do it. or more likely, i just dont have any abs to flex. truth hurts.

thought id share my dinner with you all: the simplicity gets me everytime. i LOVE it.

right my little chickens, hope you are all tickety-boo and can everyone please STOP GETTING SICK. i cant worry about ALL of you at the same time.

My new fool-proof plan

2010-08-26T11:43:00.001-07:00

I bought some new sunglasses. If I lose more weight/mass, they will still fit.

day 56: what's the word for "mini valley"?

2010-08-25T04:40:00.000-07:00

just when you think everything is going well........BANG, down you fall. the pringle episode. and last night was dark chocolate. (70% stuff).

since day 1 of PCP i have been overwhelmed by the amount of food. I literally couldn't fit it all in. I was never hungry (just thirsty!) and any hunger coincided perfectly with meal or snack time. but just very recently, in the last 3 days.... i am ravenous! i could eat a horse. maybe it's the shift up a gear in workouts, or the fact that ive been jumping first thing in the morning in addition to workout. also, ive done more 8 minute abs, and last night i tried 8 minute buns (which, btw, is hilariARSE).

so, is it that my body can handle the extra exercise but wants extra fuel? (yes, i know, fully aware that pringles and dark chocolate are not good fuel. it was late, i needed a HIT.). or that i thought i deserved it?

this morning was a real struggle. i managed to do the most amount of inclined pull ups i have ever done last night, and my back aches today (in a nice way). but waking up to jump was hard, the muscle soreness and the guilt making me feel like a big ol' loser. quick shot of espresso and i begrudgingly forced myself into my workout clothes, expecting to last about 20 seconds. 1 minute later...i was flying! the jump rope love rushed back in today! after the first two minutes of the usual early morning tripping and fumbling i was on fire, i couldn't stop! even did a few extra minutes at the end.

in summary: my observation - just when you think you have it nailed, PCP comes and bites you on the a*$. and when you feel like giving up, the love comes rushing back. swings and roundabouts, eh?

news:

1. making another couple of trips (next week) but this time to see family in northern spain and then scotland, so not so hard on the ol' PCP as i will be staying with "mums" and can cook/workout as much as i like. jose is going to take me to his old gym where he used to workout when he was a student and was in to body building. cannot wait! fascinated to see what these guys do. and show off my pull up skills. hahaha NOT.

2. i was hesitant at first about making another trip, and it jepoardising PCP progress. but i have to accept that this is part of life (for me at the moment at least) and i cant isolate myself off. great abs but no friends? hmmmm, dont think so. i think anyone thinking of doing PCP will always find a reason/event over the course of the upcoming 90 days that causes them to think " now is not a good time". xmas, summer hols, parties, birthdays etc. But you can't press "pause" on life, and the point is to integrate healthier choices and exercise into real life. so here i go, PCP on the road. practice makes perfect right? also there is a great park near my mum in glasgow where i can workout with a proper pull up bar. woooo, thats worth the trip alone surely!

3. completely by chance, i stumbled upon a film about Bruce Lee last night ("the life of" kinda thing). was it a little sign from the PCP gods? ooooof, that guy was not human. i started googling him as i watched; ok, so the internet is maybe not the most reliable of sources and so it might be nonsense/myth, but apparently he could hold a V-sit for 30 minutes?!?! and do 50 reps of one arm pull ups?!? humbled. what a dude. also, it showed clips from his films and i got a total flashback from childhood of being forced to watch his films by my great-uncle. i thought it was mega dull and only for boys at the time. But it was actually really fun to watch. That scene with all the mirrors!?!?!? i felt like i was 8 again!!!!

4. DISASTER: dress i was going to wear for the wedding is enormous on me now! i should have time to get it adjusted and altered, and i have a back up dress just in case (yesterday emergency purchase in summer sales). but still, i was simultaneously appalled and delighted when i tried it on. its mostly from the chest area i might add. clever underwear urgently required.

day 55: more geekiness

2010-08-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

stats! yay!

1st july 3rd august 24th august % change

weight (kgs) 62.9 61.3 59.8 -4.9%

BMI 21.7 21.2 20.6 -5.1%

fat % 24.2% 23.9% 20.8% -14.1%

fat mass (kgs) 15.2 14.6 12.4 -18.4%

will take some more pics in the next couple of days.

i had a weird "episode" last night. binging. 10 pringles, BBQ flavour. bleugh. i had to read the ingredients in order to put me off and stop myself.

earlier in the evening, just before my workout, i had been craving something salty. this hasnt really happened to me much on PCP in 54 days. i was pretty sure that milk, egg white and apple wasn't gonna make hit the spot. so i checked the fridge, so there was some tofu, and considered marinading it and having that after workout as an illegal but healthy-ish "treat" .

proceeded to do the workout, hot and tired. post workout, truly, all i wanted was water and an apple (and forced myself the egg white and milk). felt satisfied. the thought of eating something salty and heavy felt horrible after just working out my muscles.

2 hours later those SALTY thoughts came back. only now it was too late to make the tofu. so, i reached for the most convenient thing. (we had gotten rid of all of our junky foods, but this tube of pringles had been bought while i was away in london and jose had friends to stay).

sigh. what a waste. im a proper idiot. it would have been so much better to go with my earlier instinct and make the healthy but satisfying treat. instead i denied myself completely but just ended up crashed LOWER, later.

once you pop, you cant stop! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. dont even know why i had the craving in the first place. boo.

day 54 quick post (lethargy kicking in)

2010-08-23T04:48:00.000-07:00

knees are starting to feel the strain from jumprope so i switched to swimming this morning. it felt nice as a change. but since it takes twice as long as jumprope, not sure i can be arsed to sacrifice that much time everyday. hmmm.

energy levels doing weird things. psychologically i feel PUMPED and right up for whatever gets thrown at me. i was going to challenge myself to do a different activity every day this week on top of PCP (my "free" week). swim, run, pilates, ballet. this week is the week to blast Nigel. Nigel, the name onself has given to one's visceral fat.

be gone, Nigel! we had some good times together, but now we must part.

but my body just cant keep up. i feel pretty pooped. the ol' throat glands swollen again, acting as the lighthouse warning off to protect the rest of my body: "slow down, we need rest".

and i am getting mega tired from this heat. come back air con purleasssssse. being slowly roasted alive really does play havoc with energy levels. i may have to go into the office just to cool down. oh but to travel there would be too HOT. might sit in pool all day and prune myself to a wrinkly heap.

whinge whinge whinge. i wonder if i will do my usual "Louise" when i have free time and achieve very, very little. you know what they say: "if you want something done, ask a busy person". my eternal inner dialogue "Louise Vs lazy blob Louise"

to laze or not to laze. that is the question, my friends.

(oooooof, just laughing to myself at the fact that i think "only" doing PCP workouts is "lazy". wow, what a change in 50 days. )

day 53 : wasted opportunity?!?

2010-08-22T05:31:00.000-07:00

so this week is indulgence # 2 week. woooooo hoooo i was SUPER excited when we got the email from patrick. first thought into mind: double caramel magnum ice cream. BUT, i waited and took my time to set up the perfect opportunity; hot date with the boyf, celebratory glass of wine now that we´ve got the legal "green light" for the wedding, a meal out and a break from food prep.......

and then mother came to madrid. fine, it was ok, she and her boyf kinda did their own thing with museums and buildings etc. but i got pinned down to going out for dinner on friday night. we offered to cook a yummy meal at home for them (and i would have been able to sneak the apple, egg white, milk dinner) but NO. they insisted we go out. mum already upset at me (see below) so i didnt want to add fuel to the fire.

harumph. so went for tapas. a really nice place, good stuff. i was seriously considering just having water and fish. but i figured this was as good a time as any to indulge. so, i had one glass of wine. some tuna salad (PCP compliant). a mouthful of spanish omlette. two little roast baby potatoes with bravas sauce. and one ham croquette. (ie fried, about the size of a finger).

bleugh. it didnt fill me up, but i still felt horribly bloated. none of the tastes really satisfied. i have no idea how many calories that was, but i wasnt going to risk topping it up, though i had two squares of dark chocolate when i got home, purely to be naughty.

it could have been the company. conversation was a little awkward as i dont really know mum´s boyf and she was asking me questions about the wedding and seemed disappointed/offended when i explained for the BILLIONTH time that we were not planning a big traditional wedding and it was just a chilled out weekend for friends with a simple civil vow thing, followed by a meal. she says she feels out of "the loop". THERE IS NO LOOP! dont even get me started on her asking why there is no "top table". grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. anyway, this is not the place to vent about family dramas :)

so, depending on how you look at it, "indulgence" was a complete failure or a complete success.

failure: i didnt enjoy the indulgence. it wasnt somewhere i would have picked (again, mother won that contest) and the food wasnt what i had been "craving". (as a side note: i have been trying to ask myself what have i really been craving? still not sure.) it didnt satisfy me in any way. given the choice now, i would sacrifice all of it to have a bit extra progress on, say, my triceps. or a pull up (please, just one!) . im sure it hasnt done much damage but just seems like a WASTE. my stomach was upset with me afterwards as well. some slight cramps and MUCHO bloatednesso. (my spanish is really coming along, huh?)

success: despite the weird atmosphere and horrendous banter, i didnt cave in, didnt drink any more or order excess food to fill the hole (emotionally and physically).

so there we go, both indulgences have been a let down. ha ha but WAIT. let me guess......i have a feeling someone is going to tell me that that is the whole point?.......... the force is strong.

in other news -

1. my workout playlist just gets better and better! going through an 80s disco phase for the last two days.

2. boyf has also lost a tonne of weight. when i do workout, he goes to the gym, and he is swimming every morning. PCP really is infectious! we do 8 minute abs together (bleugh, i normally hate couples like us). one day i will get him to do whole PCP workout with me, would be interesting to gauge our relative fitness!

3. my entire indulgence meal (wine included) ranks way below the BEAUTIFUL avocado i had at breakfast this morning. the taste was just....so avocado-y! i hate when you get bland tasteless fruit. making the trip to the proper fruit market instead of supermarket is so worth it (thank you lovely jose!). it was amazing. soft, peppery, buttery deliciousness.

4. i need need need to start going to bed earlier. i still get my full 8 hours per night, but as my grandmother always told me; every one hour after midnight that you stay awake, is equivalent to losing two hours sleep in the morning. and everybody knows, grandmothers are always right. its probably a load of bull, but im just stuck in a "go to bed later, get up later" rut right now. mostly staying up so i can fit in all the food!!!! must force feed myself earlier in the day.

5. i have a whole week to myself this week. no work. no wedmin. no guests. no travel. what the fvck am i gonna do!??!?!??!?!?!?!??!?! this could be my "explore madrid" week. i havent seen much of the city at all as have been too busy until now. MUST resist temptation to go into the office just to "see whats happening".

6. linking in to my "free" week this week, i will be doing MORE. more yoga, more stretching, more 8 minute abs etc etc. there: I SAID IT, NOW I HAVE TO DO IT.

7. did i mention the caramel magnum ice-cream? so far thats the only image i cant get out of my head. grrrrrrrrrr. i just KNOW it would be really disappointing if i caved in and had it.

enjoy your sundays my loverliesssssssssss! aircon still on the blink. sob. chances of it getting fixed before august is over? in spain?!?!? NIL.

day 50: today´s riveting news headlines

2010-08-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

(that is not a picture of me FYI. i suppose i could have super-imposed my ugly mug on there. i also thought about changing "BBC" to "PCP". but i couldn´t be fecked. so i didnt, but lets just pretend and say that i did.)

1. i truly deeply love eggs.

2. i always thought my right leg was stronger than my left, but during pistol squats, left floor rooted to ground is by far the stronger side and I can go much deeper. hmmm, is this one of those deflected exercise thingies? (again with the highly technical terms)

3. oh the brain is a cruel thing. my thought process during workout today went something like this:

(reading down the workout schedule for the day): "18 floorjumps! but i can only do like 12 before my thighs start cramping! this is gonna suck."

(during floorjumps): "wow, im at rep no. 13 and thighs are coping (ish)."

(during rest time before next set): "aha! PCP lightbulb moment #423. i struggled with 12 reps the first week we did floorjumps. but now, 18 is about right for me to reach failure. i guess my legs really are getting stronger."

duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. my poor brain is so slow sometimes. well done muscles for ignoring stupid slow brain that tries to pull you down with negative thoughts.

4. hot hot hot today, with lovely thunder storm early evening. our air con is on the blink; i have never sweated so much during workout. it was hard, i took a little longer to recover between exercises, but kinda nice. i have a new method of judging my workouts: energy consumed is in indirect proportion to the amount of dry fabric left on my sports bra by end of the workout. im sure i even saw little bits of steam evaporating off my skin (this could also have been hallucination). is that too much information?! schorrrrry.

Oi! beauty industry! you can stick your detox seaweed mud wrap sauna nonsense up yer a%&. sweat it out baby! Though i am now totally dehydrated and can feel a lovely headache coming on. Might just stick my head under the tap and leave it there for an hour.

5. Continuing on from above rant to beauty industry: gosh, there was another marketing ploy i fell for! I DREAD to think of the amount of money i have spent on creams, lotions, scrubs and any other gunk i got sold. This has been on my mind for a few days now, and follows on from Tara´s post earlier about food and adverts. Airbrushing - possibly single most damaging advertising trick used? (esp for woman). There was a debate in the UK recently about whether adverts should come with a disclaimer/warning when airbrushing had been used on the model. Well, if they can warn about lung cancer on cigarettes, why not? Ok ok, you are at risk of government meddling and regulating in every area of life, but maybe something needs to be done? Its just cruel. Those pictures ARE NOT REAL. It might as well be a manga cartoon character wearing the latest jeans/perfume/mascara. People get bombarded with these images and constantly compare themselves and then they want a quick fix solution. Plastic surgery, dangerous diets, eating disorders etc etc. Yes yes, they COULD choose the difficult but sensible option (ie eat healthily, move more) but most people don´t. Ok, so now I´m back to square 1: if people are stupid enough to make the wrong decision, then you can´t and shouldn´t have to protect them. When does society step in and take responsibility and how much should be left to the individual?!

grrrrrrr. i buy those magazines. all the time. We are our own worst enemy.

RANT OVER.

right off to drink more water. yeah rock´n´roll PCP style.

p.s update on personal front:

Louise - 1 : Spanish Beuracracy - 0.

Hahhahaha IN YOUR FACE complicated overseas marriage application process. Fingers crossed, all the q-ing and begging will be worth it and we should be able to get married in time for family arriving from Australia etc. Yay!

p.p.s mother still doing mother things. news update ends.

day 49 le sigh

2010-08-18T04:34:00.000-07:00

back in madrid, routine better, food YUMMY (elena, thanks for inspiration on the breakfast burrito) and i am absolutely NOT missing having a "proper" dinner. this may be down to sheer laziness and lack of preparation (ahem!). but i am also loving the simplicity of an apple and cold glass of milk and egg white. takes me back to being a child......simple nutrition.

light bulb moment! you can still love food but not poison your body. food should be primarily fuel and for nutrition. we dont need to sex up every meal, with sauces and reductions and foams and molecular gastronomy.

ah the food porn industry. you know the kinda thing im talking about. celeb chefs, the new cool restaurants, cookbooks everywhere....... i bought right in. i love food, always have; it´s in my genetics. my father was a baker. yes, you read correctly. for a living, he made cakes and buns and pies and all that bad stuff. he also made lovely yummy healthy seeded bread etc, but essentially, i grew up surrounded by no1) sugar no2) carbs no3) the food industry. its a miracle that i am not morbidly obese.

anyway, thank you PCP for making me realise this. these companies are trying to MAKE MONEY. they dont care if you eat it 7 days a week for every meal; in fact they want you too. they dont care about your heart or your muscles or your waistline. they care about your WALLET.

dont get me wrong, i still love food. this second indulgence couldnt have come at a better time. but i think i am starting to see food for what it really is, or should be.

one last thing. i got set up BIG TIME. i am still drowning in admin with an ever growing "to do list" regarding, well, everything. i cant think straight, what with work and wedding and visitors and tax and government bureacracy and trying to stay sane. so conversation with mother goes like this:

" when can i come to madrid to see you before the wedding, you know, quality mother and daughter time?"

Louise "you are coming the week before the wedding, no?"

Mother "yes, yes, but i want to see you before then. to help you."

Louise "erm ok. well, its pretty manic here. if you want to help, it would be much better and i´d rather come home to scotland to see you, and gran, uncles etc, spend some quality time, sort out any last minute things and generally escape the mayhem. it would be better quality time and we would get much more out of it. how does beginning of september sound?"

Mother "hmph ok."

one week later.........

Mother "Surprise, im coming to Madrid! dont worry, if you are busy i will just lie beside the pool"

wtf!?!?!?

i got ambushed by my mum. Mum-bushed.

gotta go. have to scream into a pillow and then take a valium. kidding. she arrives this afternoon. wish me luck.

( i do not mean any disrespect to mothers with this. i love mums. i hope to be one, one day. im sure my mum is just meaning to be sweet and harmless. just venting out over a frustrating incident, that ONCE AGAIN is out of my control, but lands here and puts PCP and all the other sh%t still to do at risk of not getting done, not to mention all the guilt and pressure. oh and she is brining her boyfriend. who i dont really know. such fun! i was so looking forward to just a really boring but productive week. )

day 45 there is no place like home

2010-08-14T17:52:00.000-07:00

home to madrid tomorrow. london has been tough; food was actually ok and PCP compliant, but fitting in workouts has been really hard. i dont feel too bad as have been v active, running around like a lunatic. but cant wait to get home to get bang boom stuck back in to the second half of the PCP. bring it on.

i hereby vow to do more of my "extra" activity in this second half. need to stretch A LOT more and poss add in some yoga.

there i said it. now i have to do it.

new pics up from a couple of days ago.

looking forward to tomorrow, having lunch in london before i leave with my two bestest smashingest friends in the world. (one over from PCP central a.k.a NYC. we 3 don´t get to see each other enough as we are always living in various parts of the world. tomorrow should be special.)

over and out. need more sleep. another reason i am looking fwd to going home.

day 44 burnt out. send re-enforcements.

2010-08-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

angry and tired. ive just done jumps. its 5 to midnight and its first chance ive had all day. angry that i dont think i can do the workout now cos its so late, cant help thinking sleep is a better idea. except i still have so much to do,think it will be another hour before bed otherwise i cant fit in everything tomorrow.

angry angry angry. should i do the workout.

(though it made me jump really well. maybe anger is a good training tool).

have started noticing pockets of fat everywhere. i know, its ridiculous, im leaner than i was. im lean by average standards. i hate people who moan. but now when i look in the mirror, i see faults. before, i was deluded and thought i was in ok shape. now its the opposite. i see the faults and when i cant manage everything and cant eat all the food and do full workout.....i get angry. and cry.

hormones? the valley? too much stress? i dont know which it is, but i cant change my hormones and i cant do much about all the stuff i need to do in next couple of days. so....does PCP have to suffer? its MY thing. its my ONLY thing i have right now. MY time. MY body. MY mind. and i cant even get that right.

i just gave out the most almighty primal scream and very very bad swear word. anyone else have fights with partners during PCP?

2010: new country, new job, new language, new house. somewhere in here is Louise. i just dont know where.

day 42: trudging along

2010-08-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

so, i guess this is what the valley feels like. although the word "valley" implies one long low pit of despair. its more up and down than i ever thought it would be! little things seem hard, bigger things seem manageable. how does that work!?!

coping with:

the diet and food. being stuck in london i have adapted a student/ macrobiotic diet. bought some pre-cooked turkey, half dozen eggs, fruit, veg, cottage cheese and milk. im not bothering with trying to make meals interesting or funky this week. hardly even cooking! just fuel, as it is. straight up.
amusing pic of my kit in london: one pan, one bowl. makes u wonder why we need all the other stuff normally!

half-coping with:

the workout. not LOVING it. but not hating it either. its just another daily task. id like to get back to enjoying it, but hope it will just take time. the view from (very very empty) living room helps with the jumpinggggggggggggggg: (i will miss London.)

not coping so much with:

the feeling of "missing out". of having to forward plan meals etc. of socialising. ho hum. i know its only 90 days out of my life, and is worth it. but it truly is a battle with the mind. i can hear my inner devil v angel dialogue so clearly now! its amusing to observe! ok, so i have to deal with it by not making plans and effectively removing myself from the temptation "arena". haha. though to be fair, i have sooooooo much to do and am still feeling exhausted, so it helps on all fronts.

i went to the local market today to get fresh produce. jose and i used to spend whole days here at the weekend, there are stalls selling EVERYTHING. anyhoo, there is a new shop. a chocolate shop. (zzzzz, there were already loads.) then i looked again, this place is AMAZING. they serve savoury dishes with chocolate. chicked with chilli and choc. goats cheese with choc and orange vinegarette. oh man. i had to leave immeadiately. temptation truly is at every turn. i just wanted some nice apples!

one last thing: i had been doing the "observation homework" in spanish supermarkets. and now im doing it in UK. actually, i dont just do it in the supermarket, ive been observing on tube/bus/public places. i love the people watching! being so aware of my surroundings and all the temptations, it's hard not notice that there are SOOOO many fast food/convenience stores/take away outlets in london. they're everywhere! and my next observation: i have yet to see someone looking in "peak condition", or even anywhere near it. coincidence? the spanish are by no means perfect, but when im in the supermarket in madrid, the busiest counters and aisles are the fresh produce and butchers. i have only ever seen a couple of people in the pizza/instant meal aisle.

in London i just get an overwhelming "eugh" feeling. everyone rushing everywhere, rude and obnoxious, and not taking time on the little but important things in life. a smile to someone who helps you or saying "thank you". not q jumping or thinking you are more important. and since i started doing PCP, i am slowly realising how much this stuff is directly related to the body. if you feel tired, sluggish and irritated, from eating sh!t food, no matter how "cheerful" a person you are, the sluggishness and irritation will manifest itself in some way, prob in how you act towards other people.

arggh sorry this post is pants, im not really expressing myself well; its late here and i had an early start this morning, my eyelids are literally shutting as i type. im off to think and observe some more tomorrow. its a work-in-progress :).

day 642?!?!?!

2010-08-10T04:50:00.000-07:00

hey all. have put off posting a blog since i got back from venice as i have been feeling a bit “bleugh”, still.

venice was lovely, had such a great time with our friends and their children. the food was out of this world. all very very healthy, and lots of fresh fish etc, but i clearly didnt weigh stuff at the restaurant, and i shared a pudding with jose at lunch one day and have a couple of glasses of wine over the weekend.

i wouldnt feel so bad about the non-PCP slip-up if i could find the energy and motivation for the workouts that i used to have. Im still doing them, (though I took off a day and a half to try and get rid of this “cold” thing), but at the moment, even walking anywhere or doing housework feels like a huge challenge for me. someone please plug me back in! i could fall asleep, deeply, at any moment. i WANT to fall asleep, even as soon as i get out of bed! I haven’t been able to shake this sore throat/feeling rubbish thing. the throat isnt such a big deal, i just feel like someone has flicked my off switch! i have zero energy. it could just be the heat?

add to this, i am flying this afternoon to London. we are renting out our old flat in london, and the new tenants want to move in immediately, so i have 2 days to furnish the whole thing (we moved all our furniture to Madrid). there is NOTHING in the London flat at the moment. i have packed a plastic cup, bowl, some cutlery and a chopping board and knife. i may need to live on tuna straight out of the can for the next few days! feeling v sorry for myself boo hoo. will also be there alone, without jose, saying goodbye to our flat and doing all the admin. sob sob.

I also have to go to some British government office to get a certificate to prove that i am not insane and that i dont have 10 other husbands. you just know it’s going to be one of those soul-sucking places where it feels like you are queuing to enter hell and the staff take a special exam in how to be rude and unhelpful. ah government bureaucracy, don’t you just love it?

Maybe it is because we have almost reached the halfway point, but my brain is constantly misbehaving. Naughty thoughts like: “the hard part is over”. “what more can you achieve in 45 days, might as well give up now” "life is too short". I haven’t seen any obvious changes in the last week or so, so it becomes tougher to keep up the motivation. I miss yummy food. No, that’s not entirely true, excess salt and sugar now feels and tastes horrible to me. But I do miss having the CHOICE. I am very very stubborn and HATE being told what to do. (I should prob have thought of this before I signed up huh!) . moan moan moan.

now you know why i delayed posting, this is a blog entry just full of my whining! apologies. but it was either negative blog or no blog at all.

i have some new pics to put up, will do this afternoon.

ok ok some positive thoughts:

love 8 minute abs! got jose to do it with me. my favourite bit is at the end "see you in 24 hours"! love that guy.

playing with little lorenzo (2 years old) at the weekend, when i lifted him it felt great! my arms felt really strong and i didnt have that groan/dull pain in my back that i normally get when I lift a heavy object.

Clothes fit better!

Right-o. will blog again from London. maybe i will feel better there, the weather is cooler. I WILL resist the temptation of the great British summer tradition of excessive drinking. I haven’t made any social plans with people as the no drinking thing just becomes too awkward. Maybe it’s a sign of weakness, but I would just rather stay in and stretch/sleep than put myself in a pub with booze being passed around and salty snacks everywhere. Poor old me. Weak.

day 36: system crash

2010-08-05T12:01:00.001-07:00

uh oh. i should have known something was up when i didnt set an alarm this morning and woke up VERY VERY late. dragged myself out of bed, usual breakfast, emails, read the news etc. then on to tackle the new workout.

pistol squats: erm, failure on the first one?!?!? i have adapted it and i'm doing them with a bent extended leg and im definitely not reaching all the way to the bottom, but i guess this is the point? i like shoulder press. bicylce: i cant really feel the burn? also, big tip: dont do bicycle on a chair that is on wheels. doh.

was absolutely shattered afterwards, and felt totally overheated. its hard to tell when you have a fever when its 100 degrees outside, but something didnt feel right.

i had a two hour spanish lesson, and about an hour in, my throat glands just BANG! inflamed. was so weird, instantaneous! now feeling completely drained, and very headachey and sore. super early night. i have a flight at 7am tomorrow morning to go to Venice for the weekend to see jose's godson (Lorenzo). i was so looking forward to the trip; dont get me wrong, i still am, but feeling like this, i am not sure where i am going to find the energy. maybe i can use the two nights away to rest a little. will take jumprope and bands etc, but will just see how i feel when i get there.

off to pack zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz boring.

had a really inspiring blog to write but i am just too wiped out! system reboot, will speak to you all later (poss in a couple of days). xx

day 35: 8 minute abs

2010-08-04T05:21:00.001-07:00

today, since we only have jump rope to do, im going to attempt 8 minute abs.

THERE. i said it. now i have to do it. tough love.

day 34: stats for geeks (me)

2010-08-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

hello all. new pics up, actually from a few days ago, but i only just conquered my IT issue (i.e. found the memory card reader in a random bowl in the kitchen). will take some more pics for this week on "changeover day" .

wow, 34 days is a lot and feels like a massive achievement. "1/3 gone" also sounds amazing...... BUT "56 days still to go" sounds like an eternity. i know i know. one day, one breath, one set at a time. cant help these thoughts popping into your head i guess. i suppose its just how you deal with them that counts. i resisted temptation to lick a biscuit earlier. i was that desperate.

so with the first month gone, i thought id go to the gym (STINKY), but only to use their proper weighing machine that takes your BMI etc etc. (i literally walked in , weighed myself, walked out).

i did this on day 1 of PCP as well, so i could compare. so here are the results: (arghhhhh public outing cant believe i am actually doing this):

	1/7/10	3/8/10	% change
weight (kgs)	62.9	61.3	-2.54
BMI	21.7	21.2	-2.30
fat %	24.2	23.9	-1.24
fat mass (kgs)	15.2	14.6	-3.95

not bad, but not great. i feel like those numbers should be more impressive. i feel like i have reached a plateau? keep waiting for the next ramp up in fitness or strength but not feeling it. and not seeing much visible change in the last few days. maybe i am being too impatient?

also, does anyone else get MEGA thirsty with the PCP diet? i am constantly parched. drinking more water than ever (i previously averaged about 2 litres per day, now its between 2-3) but it just doesn´t hit the spot. it might be that im craving something sweet and refreshing? (my mind keeps wandering to orange fanta type drinks). or could it be a change within the body, it needs more "something" to replace "something"? (i am soooooo technical, no?). someone in the office suggested that it could just be down to the pure dry heat of madrid, you are constantly perspiring without even noticing it, so losing more electrolytes??!?! hmmmmm. is a mystery for now, but if anyone has the same thing...........

before i forget, any thoughts on sharing recipes? i need some inspiration.... we have dozens of cookbooks here at home but all the recipes would need adapting for PCP. im really just being lazy and seeing if anyone has some good ideas for spicing things up (literally!). mexican, thai, indian; can these things EVER be healthy and PCP compliant?!?!?

adios amigos, on we go! oh, nearly forgot, i had a very weird debate last night about eggs: do you wash eggs (the shell) or not)?!? i was surprised at the response........

day 32 : the indulgence

2010-08-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

Indulgence No.1 (i am hoping there are at least 10 more of these left so i can get better at indulging?!?!?) i had it all planned out. my fave cafe in madrid, is a specialist tea salon. they serve every tea you can imagine, and all the gear to go with it. all moody lighting and big comfy day beds/sofas. they also serve the most unbelievable chocolate cake. the first time we went, we read the menu: "item #42: the best chocolate cake in the world". oh how we laughed. pffffff, no way, we thought. then, of course, we HAD to try it, given the outrageous claim! and OMG. it truly is the best chocolate cake in the world. pure bliss. every spoonful like cloud dust. they even sprinkle it with little gold flakes to add to the magic. its gooey, crispy, soft, rich and lightALL at the SAME TIME. i am hoping to one day steal the recipe. i may have to kill.

so......the grand plan was, after a long week at work, to venture into the city on friday evening and indulge in something truly delightful. i was practically dribbling by the time we got there. i picked out a nice green tea with citrus to go with it.....and then. that b@st&rd waiter BROKE MY HEART. obviously (says the foreigner who is still adjusting), it being Spain, NOTHING WORKS IN AUGUST. strictly speaking it was still july, but point was , the chef was away and louise was getting NO cake. "come back in september" he said, nonchalantly.

i was devastated. my green tea arrived. i sipped it like a petulant child. my bottom lip was quivering and by now i was ready to devour anything in sight. we found a compromise; a restaurant that we like that serves a wicked choc souffle. it was pretty good. it tasted really really really really sweet. i couldnt remember if it always tasted like this, and i just hadnt noticed. or had the chef added too much sugar? anyway, it was delicious soft gooey chocolate and it felt.....AVERAGE

i couldn´t really enjoy it. too much guilt? too much bloating and sicky feeling afterwards? either way, when i was doing my workout the next day, all i could think about was the chocolate souffle, and how it was totally not worth it. maybe it was just disappointment after "cakegate". (sniff sniff, it still hurts, still raw. let us never speak of this again).

on to other news. like haley, my body has felt really heavy the last couple of days. i have been trying to stretch more to prevent injury. and sleep more. im hoping the feeling will disappear soon.

LOVE & HATE. things i love and hate about workouts/PCP.

LOVE: the feeling afterwards. HATE: the feeling beforehand.

LOVE: jumps, after the first 400. HATE: jumps, up to no. 399.

LOVE: collapsing in a heap after floor jumps and stretching my quads. HATE: floorjumps and that 20 seconds leading up to failure.

LOVE: double katanas HATE: double katanas . is there a more acute exercise that targets one muscle so precisely?!?!?!?!?!? evil katanas.

have discovered my best jumprope song so far: Blue Monday by New Order. Amazeballs! it is at just the right pace for me. if you listen to the 7 minute version, a few hundred jumps just flies by.

well folks. im off! going to watch a film and engage in typical sunday night chillin´. hope you all had a good weekend. i have some new pics to put up but my computer and i have had an argument and so far he is winning. will try again tomorrow.

L x

p.s yes yes yes to PCP international home exchange scheme! amused by how nerdy we´d all be to be delighted to arrive at someone´s house and see scales, a pull up bar and a blender all ready to rock. GEEKS yay!

p.p.s wedding in september. i think it falls on day 87 of PCP. i may have to save up all my indulgences between now and then for the day. its in spain, fairly simple, we wanted to keep it even smaller and low key but have so much family overseas, short notice wasn´t really an option without risking huge family warfare! harumph. anyway, planning mostly all done. let the fun begin! planning is so boring! whats the opposite of bridezilla?!?!?!?

day 30 : hahahhahahahaha

2010-07-30T03:03:00.001-07:00

pleased to see the laughing thing is catching on. it's less depressing than crying when you are slumped on the floor and cant stand upright after lunges and floorjumps. or when you do 5 inclined pull ups and think that your back muscles are going to pop out from underneath your skin. but that was really more of a whimper/groan.

and haha! in your face egg whites. had 'em raw, yeah! 'ave that! (well, ok, in a smootie, but still. i felt pretty hardcore). I also caramelised some onions, no sugar, just a little bit of olive oil. is a nice condiment/addition to sandwiches and salads. and a good way to use up onions that are past their best...

looking forward to the weekend purely so i can have more time to workout and cook? how sad is that. also going to do some reading but mostly wedding admin. WEDMIN: now that really is not funny. it sucks. now i know why people only get married once.

oh and following comments on my last post, you can all come to spain to visit anytime! (though i would suggest after PCP so you can indulge in some of the amazing spanish food!). we should have a PCP exchange/house swap scheme :)

day 29: pooped

2010-07-29T04:57:00.000-07:00

absolutely shattered, my body feels like lead. i have taken today away from the office to catch up on admin at home, but even putting on laundry feels like a mammoth task.

im in a bad habit of doing the workout too late at night (spanish working hours) and then not feeling tired/ready for bed until VERY late. then tired in the morning, too tired to do the workout, yada yada, and so it goes on. i might chain myself to bed tonight at 10pm. i prob still wont fall asleep till about 2.30am but its better than watching repeats of House, right?

also, i have lost my jumprope groove! keep tripping and whipping my a** with the rope (now have some very dodgy looking whip marks). could it be my view? i stare at the wall while doing them. NICE. last week, getting my balance on the boat was hard, but at least i had a beautiful view?!?! problem is spain is too hot right now to workout outside. unless i do it late at night (see above problem). feel like i am in a viscious circle, need to break the routine. maybe i will swim tonight instead.

and next weeks diet! arghhh! egg whites!?!? i presume this means raw? or can we cook them? feeling very bored of eggs. both the white and the yolk. i used to use egg whites to make meringues. big gooey sugary light merginues. with strawberries or some passion fruit. arghhhhh.

i have a craving for tom yum soup, but have established that tracking down lemongrass and kaffir lime leaves in spain is near on IMPOSSIBLE. there is one thai restaurant in madrid that will deliver, but they charge 17 euros for a tom yum soup. thats like $22. for SOUP. wtf!?!?! jose banned me from ordering it, on diet (he said prob had too much salt in it) and cost principles. still to have my indulgence and cant think of one thing i want enough. i want toooooooo many things!!!!

i think i need recipe inspiration. anyone got proper tasty recipes to share?

ordered quinoa from the supermarket. arrives later today. 5 euros for a small bag!!!!! (oh and quick spanish lesson, quinoa in spanish is......"quinoa"). i think that maybe being PCP diet compliant in spain is a bit harder than the UK or US; i took for granted all the international cuisine/spice options/healthy focus that was available in the UK. spain are a few years behind.....

right. off to do admin. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

PING!

2010-07-27T04:33:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else feel that after workouts or as we get further into PCP their arms feel like elastic bands? or super light? i was eating my dinner last night and it felt like a different force was lifting my fork from my plate to my mouth.... I wanted to air punch just to dispel some energy from my arms!?

still got the bloating thing a little :( . is anyone else taking natural supplements while they do PCP? im thinking stuff for water retention/bloating etc....or am i better just letting nature do its thing?

day 26 : an absolute stinker!

2010-07-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

what a stinky day.

my plans for the day got abandoned after i had to stop in at the office. i was supposed to only be there for 10 minutes (went in around lunchtime), so i took no snack or lunch with me. rookie error! by 8pm i was so hungry i would have eaten a horse. it took a lot of will-power not to dive head first into the box of cookies that is kept in the office kitchen. though i did drink way too

much coffee. so i def ate WAY less than i should have today. which maybe explains why..........

...........by the time i got home i was so annoyed at not being able to do all the stuff i had planned to do, i lost all motivation for the workout. and my back was sore; i have this old

injury/problem in my back and today it was really painful. i´m sure this was caused by either: 1) being back at a desk and computer after almost 10 days away from the office or 2) the pain in my back is actually directly related to my mood. it always seems to flare up when i am in a bad mood? or is it that i always get in a bad mood when it flares up? hmmmm.

anyway. i was about to write the day off as a complete failure when i put my gym kit on and took a pic to upload to flickr. nothing hugely remarkable but it really motivated me to stop whining and force myself to do the workout. on a day like today, it´s just getting over that first hurdle......for me, the psychological barrier is changing out of normal clothes and putting on my workout stuff. once i´ve done that, there is no turning back.

Creeps make me LAUGH. when my muscles are being really punished, i just seem to collapse into the giggles. almost as if im tickling the nerves from the inside.

planks: i felt it more in my arms and shoulders than my stomach? not sure if i am doing them right?

tomorrow will be a better day. nearly a third of the way through peeps! AMAZEBALLS.

back on solid ground

2010-07-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

hello all! back in the land of interweb and computickles.

Holiday was incredible. Italy is absolutely beautiful and we had a week filled with lots of relaxing, history, sport, sightseeing, though i am still swaying with sea legs after spending week on a sailing boat.

so what to report? all out honesty per the PCP mantra i guess. here goes.....

i actually started to write a blog entry on day 4/5 of the trip, but i lost wifi connection so couldnt post it. i saved the text though, so im going to copy and post it below (in italics):

1. i have done all the exercises every day. it has been a great way to remind myself of the "plan", a time to re-focus. some exercises are easier, some harder. skipping on a boat is tricky, the ground is sloping and we are constantly rocking. but there are pull up bars/tricep dip opportunities EVERYWHERE! and lots of hooks for resistance bands! i look insane, but i dont care. (pic below of where i do my inclined pull ups and tricep dips. I hook my resistance bands to the main mast for the standing ovations)

2. the humidity makes it harder, as does people being around at all times. i have to do the workout on deck as the cabin is so small, the only thing i can do inside is sit ups/leg ups.) but i have either been getting up mega early or doing exercises at sunset when its cooler and most other people are still sleeping/not around.

3. diet: lots of fruit and water. lots of veg and more fish than i have ever eaten in my life. (if scientists are correct, with all the extra omega 3 i have consumed, I must be a bl00dy genius by now. ) possibly not enough good carbs and i have taken it very easy with the pasta. lots of salad. most comes already dressed, but its all olive oil based and im draining it off. it's all freshly cooked - the chef is amazing.

4. have had ZERO pudding. not that i am counting, but so far i have turned down: cheesecake, tiramisu, custard pastry, choc and coffee sorbet, lemon cream and TEMPURA ICE-CREAM. and.......

5. .....zero alcohol. i don't crave the taste, i dont't want to feel drunk and i certainly don't want the hangover the next day. i can honestly say in all my life i have never ever ever experienced this before. i keep waiting for the moment when i finally give in and drown myself in a bucket of gin & tonic ...but so far, so good.

6. no-one has really asked why or what i am doing, so there is no pressure.

OK OK. so that was day 5 update. i had been doing so well. maybe it was my own fault for writing the blog and feeling quite proud/smug, but day 6 was a PCP disaster. i caved. i had wine at dinner. 1 glass. and two gin & tonic. ok 3 (we went to a nightclub after dinner). and a square of chocolate (after the wine and gin, therefore decision was made in an altered state of mind!).

i read Elena’s post earlier, so will pre-empt Patrick’s question....what was the thought process that caused me to cave? two things: it was amazing Italian wine and i figured that a holiday in Italy without even a sip of wine would be a decision i would later regret. secondly, boredom. As i mentioned before i left, we were on hols with 10 other people, all quite a lot older and hubby’s work colleagues. and all Spanish. so i struggled to keep up with conversation and couldn’t really input. and even when i could understand, i had little in common with a lot of the people there. all the men were sitting to one side discussing business (in Spanish) and all the women were sitting to my other side discussing, erm, bed linen (in Spanish). and then this lovely Italian waiter asks "would madam like to have some white wine?" "why yes" i thought ," madam would LOVE some white wine. im bored, can’t speak, and have worked hard all week and turned down every other temptation".

And that was it. So easily done! Maybe, subconsciously, i had already made up my mind that i was going to have wine at one point in the week. All the usual mumble about deserving it and having worked hard. mind is bucket. i refilled my bucket. So WEAK.

felt rubbish the next day. v tired. and i didnt even really enjoy it at the time as i felt so GUILTY. made worse by the sail back in very rough seas, i had horrible sea sickness and i properly smacked my knee off the side of the boat while being hurled around. it is still throbbing (11 hours later). so i havent jumped today as i dont want to aggravate it anymore.

So there you have it. Honesty. I wish this guilty feeling would sod off. Out of 7 days, 6 were PCP friendly diet. Why do i feel so bad? Should i feel this bad? Do i just let it go and move on (still 65 days to go to be good). Is it a good way for me to learn a lesson and to be more aware next time i am in a similar situation?

i am soooooooooooo glad to be home so i can get back on PCP max. on the plus side, hubby-to-be joining me on fully compliant PCP diet. woooooo. makes everything easier.

i brought back one souvenir from italy. actually, there are two of them......triceps! bang! hello muscles :) . tricep dips are my new fave thing. they hurt like hell but i love it, makes me feel like a bad ass.

bed now. absolutely shattered. night all x

Day 15: back to normality......

2010-07-15T05:35:00.000-07:00

....albeit only until saturday morning, when i fly to italy for 7 days holiday. Until then, I am back on strictest PCP mode and i feel more relaxed already (inner control freak/perfectionist shining through!)

so now, attention turns to saturday. I will be taking Hayleys (wonderful!) advice and thinking of it as a perfect opportunity to relax and "mini-spa". This is definitely a healthier approach; up until now all i could think was "omg a week of unlimited booze and beautiful italian food: i am going to FAIL". (see lovely picture. Granted, this is probably NOT helping hahaha.)

I will speak to the chef that is with us all week and explain the situation to him when we arrive. I dont want to be weighing food out at the dinner table in front of my fiance´s colleagues who very kindly invited on this trip. I dont want to appear ungrateful (or difficult!) But i CAN be subtle and avoid all the OBVIOUS temptations.

I wont tell people about the PCP unless it becomes an issue and i am being harrassed/pushed/quizzed. I dont really know this group of people very well, and I would prefer to just keep it to myself, otherwise I will feel like everyone is watching every single think i eat/do. They dont really know my eating habits, so they wont be aware that i am doing a "new" thing, they will probably just assume that this is just what i eat normally. Good times!

The fact that I can't go near alcohol will be the hardest thing. fvck it, lets face it, if i can go to the amalfi coast in july and not touch italian wine i will deserve a FRICKIN MEDAL. Patrick - do you have any PCP medals? Gold stars?

It will also be a great opportunity for me to swim loads and do more exercise, and take my time and really focus during the PCP workouts. Will take my jump rope and resistance bands, might leave the push up bars at home to save on luggage size/weight? Or are the bars fundamental to a better exercise? Experts please!?

If I was going on holiday with close friends and we were doing all the grocery shopping it would be easy peasy, but I just have to work around the situation as it is. I need to focus on the fact that I am being taken on a beautiful holiday and for that I am very grateful. And what I eat or drink (and DONT eat or drink!) can not change that fact........ Going to bed early will be an issue: Spanish/italian dont eat dinner till about 11pm at night. Hmph. But then again, I will have no alarm going off in the morning to get me up for work, so 8 hours shouldnt be an issue. And all those lovely siestas.....

Also, I think it will be great for the boyf (Jose). He has been working hard and needs a break. Maybe I will get him to do some of the PCP workouts with me while we are away!

I CAN DO THIS

Right....?

BTW - any one else getting severly bloated? my stomach feels like a balloon most of the time!

Day 12 : still awake!!!!!!

2010-07-12T18:14:00.000-07:00

Arrrrghhhhhhh PCP on the road is HARD!!! I'm currently in London, staying at my old flat which has been emptied for the move to Madrid; I'm just here to finalise all the admin zzzzzzzzz. There is absolutely nothing here. Not even a glass or a plate ( I even had to go to the store to get toilet paper.) Which means I have to eat out. Which means I have to guess weights. And less time for snacking, though I have bought some satsumas to carry around with me. When ordering food I am going for the healthy option and I'm not embarrassed to ask for it without salt etc , but I still feel like I am cheating!?!?! I don't think I had enough protein today, for sure. I was struggling to eat everything back home in Madrid to start with! (Haley - totally agreeing with you on this!)
I'm sure everyone has a few days throughout the PCP when circumstances are not ideal, but I feel as though I'm an IMPOSTER. hmph. And I'm on holiday next week, with friends, for a week. Argggghhhhhhhhh. Should I just give in now?!?!?! Will I still build muscle and feel stronger?!?!

P.s on the upside I have a new BIKINI for aforementioned holiday. Was delighted to try it on in the shop and not feel miserable when I looked in the mirror.

2010-07-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

Tries to upload an image for y'all but I'm writing from iPhone so can't work out how to so it: I painted my fingernails with little Spanish flags on them!!!!!! Yes, I'm a loser.
Gutted as I'm actually at the airport right now to fly back to London for a couple of days: will miss all the fun tonight in Madrid :( .
I am amazed at myself: at the airport, instead of heading straight to the donut/chic milk/ biscut section, I took a low fat yoghurt, a little slice of low fat cheese, a banana,coffee and water. Also smuggled some of the little individual honey portions into my bag in case of sugar cravings. Probably is a bit naughty but for soemone who used to carry bags of haribo around with her, this is a big step! And it's only for emergencies. And the packs are really cute.
So back to London for a few busy days and having to resist falling into old habits. Got my jump ropes and resistance bands with me. Got some funny looks when they went through the x-ray from the security guards!
Back in a few days and I will let you know how I got on. Still to put any pictures up on flickr, but even only 11 days ago, i just can't bear to look at myself!! I will address this issue with myself over the next couple of days.....
VAMOS ESPAÑA!!!! x

2010-07-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

Hello all, have just done day 8 exercises and feeling pretty good! Tripped a bit more today with jump rope, but think it is because i was wearing heavier training shoes. Think I will reward myself with a couple of episodes of "House" and then call it a night.
Re diet: can anyone suggest fruit that is less acidic? I looooove fruit, but too much always upsets my stomach...... Thoughts? Otherwise is going to be a very bloated Lou for the next 82 days..... :(

End of week 1.

2010-07-07T15:08:00.000-07:00

Firstly, "vamos la furia roja!!!!!" . Madrid ERUPTED tonight when Spain got through to world cup finals. I know a lot of you prob don't follow soccer, but, yay!!!! Fingers crossed for the final.
So all good so far, everything in patricks email about the half diet was bang on.
Then I saw the exercise program for day 8 and laughed. Laughed very hard. pull ups?! Me?! Are you insane?! I'm a wuss! It's a joke right? Maybe if you put a cup-cake on top of the bar for me to reach for......
Once I stopped laughing, another thought crossed my mind; ok so tomorrow I won't be able to knock out full sets ...... But I will give it my best shot. And maybe, even if I just manage one extra pull up a day.......in about 83 days time....
And that, my PCP friends, sounds AWESOME.
To our potential! Arribas!

Mind games

2010-07-05T03:10:00.000-07:00

Day 4/5 have been "interesting". Physically I feel pretty good. Workouts ok, like Ilan I am focusing a lot on control and posture so that I don't injure myself. And like sarah, i am resisting the urge to do any extra sets even I think it seems easy; I know that in the coming weeks it will get hard enough!
Also, im spending a lot of time stretching. I have a lot of old injuries and issues, so as recommended by my physio, for every half an hour exercise i'm doing almost another half an hour stretching: like maybe 5 minutes before jump rope and exercises and then 25 minutes after. It's quite dull. But it feels soooooooooo good. I have been you-tubing to get some new stretches, especially for the old buttocks/outer thigh. Result: much less soreness/tenderness.

Mentally: not so good. Hunger kicking in a bit. I have a cooking course tonight, will be tough to be cooking yummy stuff that I shouldn't eat. My partner is more than willing to eat up all the food I leave; he may get bigger in the first week while I get smaller! I Will be glad to have half-diet week out of the way.

And OMG so much energy. To the point where I cannot sleep. I always have trouble getting to sleep normally, but last couple of nights have been insane! Any tips? (apart from alcohol obviously!) . I might need to time the workouts better to make me more tired at night, I keep getting really sleepy around 6pm ish? Maybe it's just a coincidence that it is coinciding with start of PCP, I guess I have a lot on my mind at the moment, but might as well tackle it head on anyway. It ruins the whole day the next day. :(

Ok enough moaning ! Love reading all your blogs, week one nearly over. Good times. Xx

2010-07-03T09:14:00.000-07:00

Owwwwwwwww my thighs are sore. Still to do today's exercises, but I am procrastinating!
Went to local food market with the boyfriend. Absolute torture! Such amazing stuff. It will be great for buying fresh produce from week2 onwards, but during the half diet week, it was a FOOLISH move. Tempted, but I didn't give in. Self gold-star?
Spain playing paraguay in the world cup tonight, I hope they win, otherwise the entire nation will be in a foul mood. Being Scottish, I am very used to my country losing so I know not to expect to much :)
p.s Sarah - the brand of rope was "utika". I've never heard of it before, might be a domestic Spanish brand. But I'm sure you can find something similar online . X

Day 2

2010-07-02T06:35:00.000-07:00

all ok so far. my body slowly easing in to being worked again, feels stiff but nice !?

madrid is HOT. forecast for 38 degrees over the weekend (100.4). who needs a bikram yoga studio when i can just go outside! doing my workouts inside for the moment with aircon on.

im a little bit hungry, but so far not denying myself anything. just half sizes of everything. have cut out soda and sugar in coffee, and have upped the green tea intake.

possible trip to cinema over the weekend.....do they have to make all the servings so big!?!?

my mind sometimes already straying and thinking of all the occassions over the next 90 days when i will be VERY tempted, but im not going to let it worry me. just take every day as it comes, right?

have a good weekend everyone. x

Day 1

2010-07-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

Wooooo only 89 days to go.

Some revelations:

I went to the dentist this morning to get a professional deep clean. It feels sooooooooooooooooo good. I dont want to put chocolate, sweets, fizzy drinks etc anywhere near my mouth. This, coinciding with start of the PCP, is perfect timing!?!

I bought a jump rope that has a counter on it - can skip so much quicker with it as I dont have to count at the same time. (this prob makes me sound really dumb huh? I can count, honest!)

My muscles are A LOT weaker than I thought they were.

That's all folks. Off to watch my hero, Professor Brian Cox, talk about cool stuff. Perfect end to a very good day!

Hasta luego amigos, L x

T-2 days to launch......

2010-06-29T05:58:00.000-07:00

I am eating all the bad stuff in my kitchen/fridge to get rid of it so that I wont be tempted during PCP (I cant bear to throw prefectly good food out).
Does this mean I should really do a PCP 93 or 94 day challenge to counteract all the crap Ive been eating for the past 3 days?!?!?

I had a lovely relaxing massage this morning, no pain/soreness. I think this could be the last time my muscles wont hurt for a while.....

It's on!

2010-06-29T02:20:00.000-07:00

Louise is going to get to the peak. Right here!